Majoran.com

Oceans – Hillsong United

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you're my God!

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” - Isaiah 6:8

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” - Matthew 14:28-32

From a very young age I have had a heart for missions. When missionaries that had served overseas came to church to talk about their ministry, I soaked up every word and placed myself in every picture. I absolutely wanted go to the ends of the earth and share the good news of Jesus to the masses. I wanted to help each person in the photos. I found the missionary life of sacrifice to be so fascinating and upheld it above other career choices.

As the years went on, my missionary heart remained but the day-to-day comfort of life in the Western world overshadowed my desire to serve God outside of my country. The fear of the unknown of life in the third world crept in. Concerns about safety, illness, language barriers or the usefulness of my skill-set clouded my vision. I was letting the enemy steal my joy.

When I was 19, I had the opportunity to travel to Papua New Guinea (in southeast Asia) and serve for 3 months with Wycliffe Bible Translators. My aunt and uncle had been serving there as full-time missionaries for a number of years so I was able to assimilate into the missionary life quite easily under their protective supervision. Those three months marked a turning point in my faith. Prior to that trip, my child-like faith had not been attacked too terribly. During those months abroad, my faith turned into a deep relationship with God and solidified my unwavering commitment for life. It wasn’t easy. I felt attacked by Satan on a regular basis. I felt ill for many of my days in PNG. But, I saw God move mightily in my life and in the lives of those around me during that time. Those memories from half of my life ago are some that stay with me and keep me pressing on in my faith to this day.

Oceans by Hillsong United is a song that brings back to my mind the desire that was once so strong within me to live a missionary life. I have listened to this song a number of times but there was one day in particular while I was driving alone, listening to Oceans, when I distinctly felt the Spirit’s conviction. As I sang along with the chorus, “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders” and “Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander”, my breath caught in my throat. The words would not come out. I realized that the words being sung, I didn’t truly mean.

What a shock to my system! What a conviction of my heart! It is all well and good to sing these lyrics, but what is it worth when it’s not something I truly mean? I am a person who likes structure. I like to plan out my day and know where I’ll be going throughout it. To ask God to take me where my trust is without borders scares me to pieces. And, if He truly took me further than my feet could ever wander, I would likely be suffering from severe anxiety. In all honesty, without realizing it, I had put borders around where I was willing to allow God to take me or to send me. I was telling Him, “Here are the parameters I’m comfortable with. Do what you will within them.” Oh my faithless heart! My soul cries out as the father of the possessed boy did in Mark 9:24, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

I am thankful for this moment of conviction as it continues to reveal an area of my life that I am holding onto too tightly. I will continue to sing this song until I truly do mean the words. I want to mean them. I want to completely submit my will to the Father’s and accept whatever He sends my way. And, believing my missional heart was given by Him, I trust He will call me to do as He wills. If I am meant to serve Him outside of my comfort zone, He will be there. If I am meant to only provide for others who are to serve in foreign lands, He will be provide. I am standing on the promise of Philippians 1:6, “… that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” However God plans to use me, I pray I will ever be willing.